Tuesday, May 25, 2010

The JJ Abrams Guide to Storytelling

Having watched all 6 seasons of LOST, but not a single episode of Fringe, and feeling like the Star Trek reboot was manipulative and predictable, here's what I've noticed about J.J. Abrams productions.

1. Start with A Pregnant Lady in Danger!

As seen on Lost many times:

Claire - kidnapped

 "My BA-BY!"

"Your BA-BY!"

Sun - pregnant women mysteriously die

 "What happens to pregnant women on this island?!?"


Ben Linus's Mom - actually dies

 "So, your dad tells me that you killed your mom. . ."

As not seen in Fringe:

Episode 2:  Lady dies after giving birth to a kid that ages super fast.

Applied to Star Trek:

Kirk's Mom - saved from an exploding starship

2. Add Some Daddy Issues

As seen on Lost many times:

Jack - keeps seeing his dead drunk of a father who he can't live up to.
"Boo! I'm not dead. I'm 'Zombie Dad'!"

Locke - his dad is a con-man who pushed him out of a window and stole his kidney.  And then Locke ends up letting Sawyer kill him.

"I'm so glad I found you!"

"No, I'm sooo glad I found YOU!"

Kate - She killed her dad!

"Mmmmm, crispy"

Ben Linus - He killed his dad!

"Happy Birthday!"

Claire - her dad knocked up her mother and then left them

"Did I mention that I'm a womanizer too?"

*Bonus: Aaron (Claire's son) - his dad knocked up his mother and then left them.

As not seen on Fringe: 

Episode 1. Dr. Bishop's estranged son is needed for something

Applied to Star Trek:

Kirk's dad saves a lot of people as he dies, so Kirk grows up not knowing him and not being able to live up to him.

Spock's dad married a human, making Spock an outcast from birth.

 "I used to be a teen idol, now I'm playing old ladies.  I'm old, and so are my fans!  Oh well, at least I'm not in jail *cough*Lindsey*cough*"

3. Spice Things Up with a Cheesy Love Triangle

As seen on Lost many times:


"I'm needy."

"I'm horny!"

"I'm a slut!"


 "I'm needy."

 "I'm emotionally unavailable."

"I'm creepy!"


"I'm needy."

"I'm horny!"

"I'm a slut."


"I'm controlling."

"I'm submissive."

"I'm just trying not to get killed! And I'm a little bit horny."


"I'm creepy."

"I'm a slut."

"I'm creepy, and a little bit horny."


 "I'm crazy!"

"I'm hungry!"


As not seen on Fringe:

Season 2, Episode 6. yadda, yadda, yadda

Applied to Star Trek:

Kirk-Spock-Uhura, because who cares about cannon or tradition.

 "Didn't you know that hot girls choose nerds over jocks?"

4. And Finish with some B.S. Time Travel

As seen on Lost many times:

There was a time displacement that interfered with radio communications

"I'd explain more, but I'd just come off as a whiney space cadet."

Overzealous use of flashbacks, flashforwards, and flash-sideways.

"You got us! We admit it. We were just f*cking with you!"

Some of the losties get teleported back to the 1970's when Desmond turns the failsafe.

But first they have to bounce around in time a bit.

"Does any of this make any sense to you?"
"Am I gonna die?"

Then, only some of the Oceanic 6 get teleported back to the 70's with them.

"Uhhh, where'd everybody go?"

And finally they all get teleported back to the 'present' when the nuclear bomb detonates.

 "If I were pregnant right now, this would be an awesome scene!"

As not seen on Fringe:

Season 2, Episode 17.  Robocop guest stars to do something with time travel.

Applied to Star Trek:

The Romulans travel through time to .... bah, who cares.

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